Awkward

That is how I describe myself socially. I am socially awkward. Being so probably strikes others as me being shy or a snob. I'm not shy. Heck. I could do cartwheels on stage--naked--and feel ok about it. So no I'm not shy. I'm not a snob either. I probably do look like one, considering my facial features (refer to pics). And I don't smile a lot. I don't wanna look like a looney all the time. hehehehe But no. I'm just that--socially awkward. How do I explain that?

Let me put it this way. When you put me in a room with somebody I don't know, I will never make the initiative to talk to that person. When you put me in a room with an acquaintance, the exchange of words will not start from me. I think that my problem is that I do not know how to connect. And if I do connect, I do not know how to sustain it.

Now has being socially awkward proven difficult for me? Well yes in a sense that it feels lonely sometimes having no one to talk to in the gym or while having lunch in the pantry. Or when I’m new somewhere, I find it hard to make acquaintances. But most of the time, no. One of the consequemce of being socially awkward is that I get all the chance to be with myself, to be alone in other words, and to actually like it. I actually enjoy being alone. In this sense I think my social awkwardness has benefited me. Plus, since I maintain a minimum number of social connections, I have developed a certain amount of independence.

Despite this, I acknowledge the fact that the world is huge and that it is inevitable that I make contact whether I like it or not. That is why developing my social skills is one of the projects I am working on right now. I see friends of mine who are not in the same situation as I am. I guess they're what you call the friendly type. I envy them because they seem to have friends everywhere they go.
Here's what I plan to do to be less socially awkward:
1. Always wear a smile. I guess this should be the first step. This would give the impression that I am friendly, or approachable at the least.
2. I would not mind making the first move. Still with a smile on my face, I will never hesitate to talk to people even if I don't know them.
3. I will remember names. I am so bad with names. People take it as a sign of goodwill if you remember their names.
4. I will eat lunch with other people. I usually prefer to eat my meals alone in the office. I realize that meals are naturally perfect means to socialize.
5. I will walk home with friends. I would have to suppress the loner in me. I think I have to practice being around other people and actually interact with them so I'd feel natural about it.

I hope these things do the trick.