Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Awkward

That is how I describe myself socially. I am socially awkward. Being so probably strikes others as me being shy or a snob. I'm not shy. Heck. I could do cartwheels on stage--naked--and feel ok about it. So no I'm not shy. I'm not a snob either. I probably do look like one, considering my facial features (refer to pics). And I don't smile a lot. I don't wanna look like a looney all the time. hehehehe But no. I'm just that--socially awkward. How do I explain that?

Let me put it this way. When you put me in a room with somebody I don't know, I will never make the initiative to talk to that person. When you put me in a room with an acquaintance, the exchange of words will not start from me. I think that my problem is that I do not know how to connect. And if I do connect, I do not know how to sustain it.

Now has being socially awkward proven difficult for me? Well yes in a sense that it feels lonely sometimes having no one to talk to in the gym or while having lunch in the pantry. Or when I’m new somewhere, I find it hard to make acquaintances. But most of the time, no. One of the consequemce of being socially awkward is that I get all the chance to be with myself, to be alone in other words, and to actually like it. I actually enjoy being alone. In this sense I think my social awkwardness has benefited me. Plus, since I maintain a minimum number of social connections, I have developed a certain amount of independence.

Despite this, I acknowledge the fact that the world is huge and that it is inevitable that I make contact whether I like it or not. That is why developing my social skills is one of the projects I am working on right now. I see friends of mine who are not in the same situation as I am. I guess they're what you call the friendly type. I envy them because they seem to have friends everywhere they go.
Here's what I plan to do to be less socially awkward:
1. Always wear a smile. I guess this should be the first step. This would give the impression that I am friendly, or approachable at the least.
2. I would not mind making the first move. Still with a smile on my face, I will never hesitate to talk to people even if I don't know them.
3. I will remember names. I am so bad with names. People take it as a sign of goodwill if you remember their names.
4. I will eat lunch with other people. I usually prefer to eat my meals alone in the office. I realize that meals are naturally perfect means to socialize.
5. I will walk home with friends. I would have to suppress the loner in me. I think I have to practice being around other people and actually interact with them so I'd feel natural about it.

I hope these things do the trick.

2 comments:

eLf ideas said...

Armel,
A butterfly eLf just passed by your garden of thoughts.

Bloom some more flowers!

gracieluscious said...

armel,

You're far from being the socially awkward person you claim to be...In fact, you're one of the most approachable people in the office..Wait, me-approach-you, not you-approach-me..hmmm...

Yah, you get the socially awkward award hehe