Pustisong Maluwang

Parang pustong mali ang sukat sa bibig. Yun ang pakiramdam ko tuwing lumalabas ako ngayong mga nakaraang lingo. Eh bakit ko ginagawa kung ganun? Ayoko lang kasi maburo sa bahay. Gusto ko lang aliwin ang sarili ko. Pero walang tunay na kasiyahan pa akong natatagpuan. Puro panandaliang kaligayahan lang. O baka naman kasi masyado ko lang sigurong sinusubukang magpakasaya. Kailangan ko kasing gawin ito para sa akin. Gusto kong bigyan ang sarili ko ng pagkakataon na makabawi. Pasasaan ba at babalik din ako sa dating ako. Samatala, pipilitin kong hanapin ang saya at tamis sa mga maliliit na hakbang ko patungo sa iyo, kungsino ka man.

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Last song syndrome. Eto kanina pa ito tumutugtog sa isip ko. Ito ba namang kantang ito ang gumising sa aking umaga eh. Pero mali kayo ng iniisip. Malayo pa sa isip ko ang umibig. Bata pa ako. :-)

Someone to Love
Kate Earl

You're a porcelain doll that sits in a window
You hold your breath when people walk by
Safely kept behind rose-colored glass
Neatly tucked beneath the spotlight

Waiting for someone to love...

You're a Cheshire cat
You think a smile hides the rest
Ambiguity will always cover the facts
Where do you come from, where do you go
Must be lonely to be all alone

Waiting for someone to love...

And when they come, they'll accept you just the way you are
You'll swear under a moonlit sky about rocks in the sky
trees backed up by the sea
thin wild mercury

Until then, you're waiting for someone to love...

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I’m at the last phase of my application for another job. I feel good about it. I’ll talk about it more when it’s all over.

juOnBox Music 17: Dreamgirls

The movie Dreamgirls is one of my most awaited movies this year. They’ve shown this in the US in December and I think it’s set to be released here toward the end of January. My first taste of the soundtrack was the song Listen which is a hidden track in Beyonce’s B Day album. It is my favorite in the album. I also like the tubthumping opening track I’m Looking for Something Baby and the classic And I’m Telling You I’m Not Going.

You may download the songs here. Hurry! The file will only be available for seven days or 100 downloads.

Listen

Listen to the song here in my heart
a melody I start but can't complete

Listen to the sound from deep within
Its only beginning to find release

Ohh the time has come for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own, all 'cause you won't listen

Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say what’s on my mind
You should have known
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what
You've made of me
I followed the voice, you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
You should have listened

There was someone here inside
Someone I thought had died
So long ago
Oh I'm screaming out
And my dreams will be heard
They will not be pushed aside or turned
Into your own

All 'cause you won't listen

Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say what’s on my mind
You should have known
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what
You've made of me
I followed the voice, you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
You should have listened

I don't know where I belong
But I'll be moving on
If you don't, if you won't

Listen to the song here in my heart
A melody I start, but I will complete

Now I am done believing you
You don't know not what I am feeling
I'm more than what you've made of me
I followed the voice you think you gave to me

But now I got to find my own - my own

I’m Looking for Something Baby

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
the Apollo Theater continues its legendary talent contest,
with the indefatigable Stepp Sisters!

STEPP SISTERS: I’m looking for something, baby!
Something that’ll give me a rise
I’m looking for something, baby
Like a real nice surprise
I’m looking for something, baby
Something that you have got
I’m looking for something, baby
And it’s gonna be
Real hot!

MARTY: Ladies, you can’t leave! What about the show? What about Jimmy?

JOANNE: Don’t touch me, Marty!

MARTY: Ladies, you can’t do this to me!

JOANNE: Marty, you know I can talk; well, Marty, watch me walk!

MARTY: You walk Joanne, and I’ll call your union!

JOANNE: What union, Marty? You don’t hire union!

CHARLENE: Come on, Joanne, our limousine is waiting!

MARTY: You’re gonna pay for this!

CURTIS TAYLOR, JR.: Excuse me, would you be interested in the star of tomorrow?

MARTY: Are you another singer?

CURTIS TAYLOR, JR.: I’m Curtis Taylor, Jr. Your Cadillac dealer.

MARTY: Just what I need. Dog acts and car salesman.

STEPP SISTERS (in background): Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do…

DEENA JONES:
Oh no…oh no, it’s already started! Effie! Effie, Lorrell!
It’s already…(speaking quickly) Oh, I’m so sorry mister,
I’m sorry I’m rushing, you see, our train was late getting in from Chicago,
and we had a hard time finding the right subway, and we didn’t know what to

ANNOUNCER: Are you Brenda Talbert?!

DEENA JONES: No, I’m Deena Jones, I’m one of the Dreamettes.

ANNOUNCER: Well, I’m the emcee…and you’re too late.
You were supposed to go on second.

DEENA JONES: Oh, sir, but our train was late!

CURTIS TAYLOR, JR.: Hey Earl, Earl…why don’t you give her a break,
this lady came all the way from Chicago.

ANNOUNCER: Oh…all right, all right. I’ll put you on last…after Tiny Joe Dixon.

DEENA JONES: Oh thank you, now which one is he?

ANNOUNCER: …Him.

DEENA JONES: Oh…hi!

STEPP SISTERS: (in background) Ooh! Looking for, looking for something, baby…

LORRELL ROBINSON: Deena, Deena! Oh, Deena, we made it!
We made it! It’s so unbelievable!

DEENA JONES: I know!

LORRELL ROBINSON: We’re gonna be so famous!
We’re gonna be famous, like the Chiffons, the Marvelettes, and the Supremes!

C.C. WHITE: You are gonna be more famous then all of them!

LORRELL ROBINSON: All we need now is a miracle!

C.C. WHITE: Hey, we win this contest, anything is possible!

DEENA JONES: Oh, C.C., where is your sister?

C.C. WHITE: Oh, Effie! Effie, over here!

EFFIE WHITE: Do we have any time? I need to rest!

C.C. WHITE:
What? We’re about to enter the greatest moment of our lives, and you want to rest?

LORRELL ROBINSON: Aww, she’s just nervous, that’s all.

EFFIE WHITE: I’m not nervous, I’m tired.

DEENA JONES: Effie, now, come on!
We don’t have much time! We still have to change!

C.C. WHITE: And rehearse! Come on!

DREAMETTES: Move, move, move, move…

STEPP SISTERS: I’m looking for something, baby!
I’m looking for something, now!
I’m looking for something, baby!
I’m looking for something, now!

BACKGROUND SINGERS: Looking around….looking around….

ANNOUNCER: Let’s hear it for the unstoppable Stepp Sisters!
And remember, at the conclusion of our talent contest, the
wildest man in show business, our headliner, James “Thunder” Early!
And now, continuing with our talent contest, here’s
Little Albert and the Tru-Tones!


And I’m Telling You I’m Not Going

And I am telling you
I'm not going.
You're the best man I'll ever know.
There's no way I can ever go,
No, no, no, no way,
No, no, no, no way I'm livin' without you.
I'm not livin' without you.
I don't want to be free.
I'm stayin',
I'm stayin',
And you, and you, you're gonna love me.
Ooh, you're gonna love me.
And I am telling you
I'm not going,
Even though the rough times are showing.
There's just no way,
There's no way.
We're part of the same place.
We're part of the same time.
We both share the same blood.
We both have the same mind.
And time and time we have so much to share,
No, no, no,
No, no, no,
I'm not wakin' up tomorrow mornin'
And findin' that there's nobody there.
Darling, there's no way,
No, no, no, no way I'm livin' without you.
I'm not livin' without you.
You see, there's just no way,
There's no way.
Tear down the mountains,
Yell, scream and shout.
You can say what you want,
I'm not walkin' out.
Stop all the rivers,
Push, strike, and kill.
I'm not gonna leave you,
There's no way I will.
And I am telling you
I'm not going.
You're the best man I'll ever know.
There's no way I can ever, ever go,
No, no, no, no way,
No, no, no, no way I'm livin' without you.
Oh, I'm not livin' without you,
I'm not livin' without you.
I don't wanna be free.
I'm stayin',
I'm stayin',
And you, and you,
You're gonna love me.
Oh, hey, you're gonna love me,
Yes, ah, ooh, ooh, love me,
Ooh, ooh, ooh, love me,
Love me,
Love me,
Love me,
Love me.
You're gonna love me.

You may download the songs here. Hurry! The file will only be available for seven days or 100 downloads.

Jeepney Hunk 13: Divisoria Boy

You got that right! I caught sight of him in a jeep bound to Divisoria. He’s already in the jeep when I got on it so I don’t know where he came from. He got off along University Belt. I assume he’s a student, or a crew in one of the fast-food joints, or both. He’s got long limbs that looked pretty strong. That shy snob look worked wonders for this cutey. And that green shirt flattered his face. There was something suspicious about how he looked at me. We guys can tell, right? If I knew I’d be single now, I would’ve asked for his number.

Vanilla Flavored Coffee and Cinnamon Doughnut

I sort of forget how these taste.

Boylets Alert

Here’s a really fun article I found from a fellow blogger whom I met while, uhm, trying to soak myself in murky MIRC (Yeah I know it’s so juvenile. Cut me some slack. I felt rebellious during that time.). I of course asked for his (Wanda. Do I call you his or her?) permission. Which boylet have you had a recent brush with? Mine was a combination of 6 and 7.

Da Boylets Alert
By Wanda

presenting ang pito sa mga tipo ng boyletz na nakasalamuha ng lola mo simula ng na-master kez ang sining ng pag-rampa at pakiki-apid. ang iba ditei nakilala ko lang. yung iba naging friends o kaya naging more than friends o kaya naman naging ka-friendster lang. tamang "hi/hello"

wag mashadong siryosohin. although nage-exist ang mga papabols na itiz, caricature lang ang presentation ng lola niyong mahadera. kaya lang iba, ditei totoo talaga. na-witness ko pa (kunwari pa, mga ex mo yan eh ahihihihi).

kung may idadagdag kayo, go lang. isip din kayo ng catchy na label. tapos pag umabot sa pito, i-share natin sa lahat.

7. ang secret service

iteklavu yung mga tipo ng jowa na maraming sikreto. pati relasyon niyo sikreto. pero dapat intindihin natin na si secret service e nagtatago pa sa batas. halos lahat naman nagdaan don, yung makulong sa closetta ni mama. kaya lang siya naging kumportable na ata sa loob.

sweet naman siya eh. totful, kahit walang okasyon. pero bihira makipag-date. at pag nakipag-date, yayayain ka sa tagaytay (uyyy!! sweet davah??) o kaya sa puerto galera (para exotic). pag medyo low-budget at bet niya sine-sine lang, fly kayo sa SM Bacoor o kaya sa SM Pampangga o kaya sa SM Baguio kahit malalakad mo lang mula sa inyo yung greenbelt (anetch? sweet parin??).

yun pala bet niya yung mga tagong lugar kung saan wa siya mashadong kakilala kasi nga tagu-taguan ang drama. pero kahit nasa SM Batanes na kayo, wiz pa din kerring mag holding hands while rampa niyan kasi baka daw ma-say ng mga utaw na bayut kayo. tapos pag may ma-sight na kakilala, kahit ka-fez lang, super run yan sa pinakamalapit na suking fire exit, with matching hingal, akala mo aatakihin sa puso.

siyempre isa-suggest mez na mot-mot na lang kasi understanding ka nga sa need niya ng privacy (tsaka kasi may mahalay kang balak), pero mag-iinsist si secret service na gumamit ng eyeliner at magdrawing ng pekeng bigotilyo o kaya o magsuot ng susy and geno costume (eh sweet pa rin). pero exagg na yon.

6. mga windows explorer

medyo rare ang breed na itez kasi halos lahat with two years experience na ata. yung mga windows explorer yan e yung mga boylets na kaka-out pa lang. pero winnona ryder ka, kasi asayo ang korona. ikaw ang una niyang jowa. wa pressure, davah?!

kaya lang kaka-orkot ang mga windows explorer kung jowawiz mo siya kasi habang mag-jowa kayo, marami siyang bet na ma-explore. tuwang-tuwa yan sa chat, at wag ka, papasama pa yan sayo sa pagbaylamos ng mic at web cam.

tapos pag nahuli mong nakikipag-chat magdadahilan sayo, "nakikipag-chat lang naman ako ah" tapos dadagdagan pa ng "eh ikaw naman talaga ang mahal ko." siyempre, sheryll cruz moment ka naman (ebribody sing, "mr dreamboy, mr dreamboy ..."). tapos sisihin ka pa kasi ikaw wa kang mic at webcam. tapos isasabat mo naman, "eh aanhin naman natin yan davah?! pwede naman tayo magkita."

o ayan, binigyan mo pa siya ng idea. makikipag-eb na tuloy yan. ang susunod niyan, pag nagmeet kayo, e nangingitim na gilid ng mata sa kakapuyat sa chat. tapos may mga nagte-text na diyan at ayaw niya nang ipabasa yung nyelpon niya kasi wa ka daw trust. binaliktad ka pa, ang shopal ng fez. tapos papabasa nga sayo, burado na ang sent messages at recent calls. leche!!

nahahalata niyo bang may issue ako sa mga windows explorer?? hmpf! fill in da blanks na lang, mga mother.

5. david copperfield

galing sa friendship kong si gretta ang term na yan. david copperfield kasi "now you see him, now you dont." itiz yung mabilis mag-fly.

madalas na senyales nitiz e yung mabilis nagfo-fall. pag andon na, sure na sure na sure na siya na ikaw ang pakakasalan niya at magiging ina ng inakay niyo na ayon sa propesiya e ang susunod na spice girls.

tapos lalabas lang daw with friendships na di mo kilala. siyempre mai-ilang ka, say mo di ka na lang sasama. pero ang tutut diyan e gusto mo lang magpapilit. eh sorry ka! lalakad siya mag-isa at ite-text ka nalang niya pag-uwi sa balay. tapos pag may date kayo, may i ask yan kung pwede next week na lang kasi busy sa achuchuchu-evermae. hanggang sa madalang na magtext kasi sa mga achuchuchu-evermae pa din.

tapos niyan tatawag sa phone o kaya magtetext lang at magda-drama na phase lang ang kabaklaan niya at gusto na niyang mag move-on at maging straight. asus! pero kahit masakit, iintindihin mo. bakla ka lang e. part yan.

so gimik ka na lang to get over. wag ka, pag-entourage mo ng bar, masa-sight mo siyang may ka-lipchukang forenger. na lulurki. lolo na lulurki. gurami na pala ang bet niya, (sabayan natin si kuya rustom bilang zsa zsa zaturnnah) KA-KA-LO-KA!

4. si mr friendster

siya yung super friendly. friend ng lahat. super attend ng mga party at gimik-chuchu ng mga friendships. at havs ng multiple accounts sa friendster at myspace at puro testi na "this guy is sooo HOT! i love you, dude" at "i miss you, dude. i cant forget your kiss." pero friends niya lang yon. close friends, actually. ang judgmental niyo?!!! pero a-alma ka kasi yung mga close friends niya knowsline mo lahat. so magre-reaction paper ka niyan. kaya lang, bago ka pa tumalak, e may i liptolelang na siya sayo. kiss to da max. unporgetabol nga. so porget mo na rin yung testi.

tapos pag go niyo ng bar, mahuhuli mo siya super make-out kay cynthia patag (azz in sino siya??!! cynthia?? getz?). siyempre magagalit ka, pero uunahan ka niya sa galit kasi ang rude mo daw. eh nagha-hi lang siya sa friend niya.

plentious akong kilalang ganyaners ... hehehe ... im sure ikaw din. madalas itiz yung mga di na ma-reach ang confidence level at aware na aware sa market value nila.

3. doble kara

medyo komplikado tech ng slightly. ang mga doble kara kasi e yung mga havs ng bowa pero havs din ng guframae. claro ko lang, ang gelpren nitiz e hindi pang-front. lab niya talaga ang hitad. por short, lab niya kayong pareho. di lang siya makapili.

at naiintindihan mo siya, pwedeng maintindihin ka kasi o kaya shoshonga-shonga ka lang talaga. at dahil na rin minsan, habang play-play ka ng barbie at g.i. joe e pinagpantasyahan mo maging kabit. (kanta ... "di ba, ako'y tao lang na nadadarang at natutukso riiiiiiiiiiiin ...")

masaya yan sa umpisa. pero after 48 years, pasakit na. parang abuso. babalanse siya ng time tsaka pera. ikaw, adjust ka ng adjust, kasi kabit ka nga e. ayaw mo naman mag-demand kasi ayaw mo maging kontrabida. hanggang sa mapagod ka na din.

tapos pag tama ang panahon, at maganda ang ilaw, at may background music ka, sasabihin mo sa kanya, "ang daya mo. ang daya-daya mo (nangingilid ang luha). naiintindihan kita. alam ko nahihirapan ka, pero bakit hindi ka pa mamili? kasi ayaw mo kaming mawala pareho? ang sakim mo sa pag-ibig, jowa. dalawa kaming nagmamahal sayo. nagbibigay kami ng buong-buo. pero kaming dalawa, naghahati kami sa pag-ibig mo (pwede nang patuluin ang luha, pwede mo rin siyang hampasin ng mahina lang) hanggang kailan ako makikihati? nakakasawa ring maging kabit ... ang daya mo. ang daya daya mo ... (pwedeng ulit-ulitin ang huling linya nang pabulong, with matching hampas sa dibdib tapos tina-try ka niya i-embrace. parang from experience noh?!! ahihihihi)

kung jowa mo si doble kara at present, praktisin ang mga linya. epektib siya pag tama ang delivery. try mo humarap sa salamin salamin, salamin sa dingding at mag-praktis. subukan mo iba-ibahin ang tono ng delivery, gaya ng style ni ate showie (dagdagan ng "sakay na!" sa huli) o kaya ni jang geum (haluan ng listahan ng mga sangkap sa pagluluto ng omelette sa bandang gitna) o kaya monotone gaya ni jacklyn jose at caridad sanchez o ikanta mo gaya ni ate regine para kunwari musical.

2. remote controller

sure ako may idea ka na kung anong klaseng jowa itiz.

kurekted by. para kang na-martial law pag together forever ka with the remote controller. kakaloka!

maraming bawal diyan. bawal lumabas pag wiz siya kasama. bawal lumabas with friends na hindi niya kilala. bawal magpataba. bawal magpa-payat. bawal magpa-itim. bawal tumingin sa kaliwa at kanan pag rumarampa kayo sa mall. at pag pasaway ka, lalagyan ka nung para sa mga kabayo para diretso lang ang tingin. bawal magsuot ng mashadong bakla. bawal manuod ng sine ng hindi mo siya kasama. at pag nauna kang manood, uulitin niyo at ikaw magbabayad. bawal kumain sa loob ng sinehan. bawal mang-hipo sa sinehan. bawal ang friendster o myspace o multiply. bawal mag-approve ng friendster pag di niya kilala. bawal isikreto ang password mo sa friendster at myspace at multiply.

sa umpisa nakakakilig eh. feeling mo concern siya sayo. o kaya gellatin factor kaya over-protective ang jowa. sweet-sweetan pa e. ichi-chikka mo pa sa mga friendship mez na inlababo to da highest level ang jowa mez sayinz.

hanggang bawal na maglakad ng mahigit sa sampung hakbang. pag lumampas kailangan kumandirit na. bawal ngumuya, kailangan lunok agad. bawal pumikit pag naha-haching. bawal magtext na gamit ang kamay, maghanap ng ibang paraan. bawal kumurap, kailangan alternate ang mata. bawal magsuot ng sapatos na una kaliwa, kailangang kanan lagi. bawal lumitaw ang ipin pag ngumingiti. bawal umupo sa likod o gitna ng fx, kailangan sa tabi ng driver. bawal tumabi sa gwapong fx driver, mag taxi na lang, kailangan panget ang driver.

sabi ng milo, great things start from small beginnings. totoo yan sa mga remote controllers. kaya mag-ingat. minsan masarap mahalin ka ng taong may ganitong topak, pero pag lumulunok ka na lang agad, kasi utos niya, magisip-isip ka na.

1. boca-boca

hindi ito yung jowang hindi tao, hindi hayop, buto't balat lumilipad (saranggola para walang childhood at deadma sa bugtong). ang term e galing sa salitang boca, meaning chikka o daldal. eh dinoble pa, boca-boca, so imajinin mo ang level ng daldal factor.

ito yung mga jowang lahat kailangan pag-usapan, lahat may meaning at lahat dapat havs ng explanation. at kailangang check ka lagi. so kung patok sayo ang multiple choice questions at ligwak ka sa mga essay-essay na yan, di kayo compatibol ni boca-boca.

kasi si boca-boca, di mo lang ma-text, marami nang tanong yan. tapos parang nasa korte ka bigla na paiikut-ikutin yung tanong para mahanapan ka ng butas. siyempre maba-biyahilo ka na rin kahit mag-bonamin at malo-lost sa questionaire na kinabog ang mga tanong sa weakest link sa hirap at bilis kaya kung anek-anek na lang ang sinasagot mez manahimik lang.

parang ganito. naalala ko yung ex ko, major away kami nung na-borlogs akiz sa balay-china nila. pasaway din kasi si atashi. tumalikod siya sa kin sa pag-eclip niya. kerri lang. inembrace ko. tapos tinaggal niya yung kamay ko. ok lang. inembrace ko uli. shinonggal uli. na-imbiyerna ang lola mo.

"ano ibig sabihin nito??!!" kahit jontok na jontok na akiz. pero dead ma lang si jowa. eh di inalog ko at pinilit kong sumagot. in less than 3 minutes. nagdahilan pa na mainit daw e kaka-shower lang namin. ng sabay (uyyyy!!!). paliwanag paliwanag pa. eh imbernadette talaga ang lola, di ko tinantanan. "hindi mo na ako mahal noh?!!" at umiral ang daldal factor ng lola mo.

sa inis ko tinalikuran ko siya. matutulog akong galit, vahket ba hindi?!! eh di nakonsensiya ang jowa, inembrace ako. yung embrace na mahigpit. tapos tinanggal ko din. mainit nga talaga.

pagkalipas ng ilang buwan. may nag te-text na sa kanyang di ko kilala, at nage-effort pa itiz na i-shogo-ever. eh walang nakakalusot sa lola mo. "hoy! sino yan ha, jowa?? magpaliwanag ka!" nagpaliwanag nga ang hitad. kinabukasan break na kami. di ko kinaya yung explanation.

ang moral lesson: wag mashadong magtanong, kung di ka ready sa sagot.

faflooooo!!

###

From this article you can tell that Wanda is so fun. And her/his wisdom about boys is worth a listen. Read more of him/her in here.

Pamper Those Feet

My siblings and I had a field day in the salon last 31 December to treat ourselves to a relaxing foot spa. Ang sarap! Ang lamig sa paa! I was planning to get a pedicure as well but the salon was closing early because it was New Year. So when we got home, I asked my brother to do the pedicure instead. Hahahaha. My brother’s straight by the way.

I asked my brother to take this picture while he’s having his foot spa right across me.

I wonder why my legs look huge from this angle.

Here’s my brother doing the pedicure. Wahahahahaha

Say Hello to the Pig!

The year 2007 is the Year of the Pig in the Chinese calendar.

We always start the New Year with promises that we make to ourselves about the things that we want to change and improve. I have a few of what most people call resolutions. I call mine goals.

1. I will wear underwear more often.
2. I will concentrate on building muscle mass, be thinner and leaner.
3. I will brush my teeth more often and prepare them for braces next year
4. I will stay single in 2007 and vow not to be reckless and hasty with love anymore
5. I will free some disc space in my iPod by deleting files that are outdated or whose emotional and sentimental values have expired. That means kbs of songs and photos to let my iPod breathe.
6. I will go out more on dates with older, mature men.
7. I will spend more time with my siblings
8. I will buy my laptop before the year ends.
9. I will smile a lot and be happier more often.
10. I will eat less rice, if any rice at all.
11. I will be more relaxed and carefree but in a mature and responsible way.
12. I will rise above the bitterness and hurt that I feel and channel my energies on making a very big investment on friendship, love, goodwill, and kindheartedness.

I am looking forward to the year of the pig. I hope I don’t meet pigs along the way.

Burying the Dead: Good-bye D DAYS

Good-bye D Days! I am letting go and moving on from the past and smiling at and embracing the future.

Here lie the remains of D DAYS. Born 26 November 2006. Died 16 December 2006. D best days of my life so far died of euthanasia. I can’t bear in my heart resuscitating someone pleading for his death. I let him cut the cord himself. I embalm his remains and lay him to rest. No matter how hard it will be, I will come to terms with the death of D Days to open up a whole new chapter in my life. This chapter is promising and bright. D Days were good till they lasted. D Days are now past. I will thank D Days by living today and tomorrow wiser in mind, healthier in body, and plumper in heart.

I love you D Days. Good-bye!

Evil

Evil wins sometimes.

Here's the winning face paint I did on myself that won me The Face award during our Employee Get-Together last Thursday. Yeah I know. It's straight out of Holloween. But that's the point. Despite the glaring looks I got from the more conservative people from the office, my evil face paint was tied with a, ahem, butterfly face paint for The Face award. Although I was one of the few who took the contest seriously, it was a total surprise to me that I was even considered for the top 5 best face paints because, man, there was not a few bunch who I felt were scandalized by my concept. There were a lot though who also liked it.

Cheers to everyone! Merry Christmas! I love you all.

I want my chute vest back also.

Listen to the Sound of My Heart Breaking

When I thought things are starting to pick up, when things are getting better, when I thought I’m ready to stop looking and start loving, you hit the break, you stop, you break my heart.

“I’m not mad but I know you are.”

I’m not mad. I’m sad. And for once, listen to my heart breaking.

The Sound of One Heart Breaking
By Karen Kunawicz

Ever come across this zen koan that JD Salinger used in one of his books? You know, the one that asks what the sound of one hand clapping is. I don’t know the answer to that one. But ask me what’s the sound of one heart breaking and I might have an answer. Welcome to the dark side of love.

What is the sound of one heart breaking?

It is the sound of someone curled up in a tiny ball crying softly in the night, the sound of the first unwanted teardrop touching your skin, it’s the sound of a telephone that doesn’t ring, the sound or regret pounding inside your brain with every heartbeat, it’s the whispers of the toy animals he gave you. It’s the shuffling of feet walking away from you, the sound of your should shattering into a million pieces at recognizing the word “goodbye,” it’s the soundtrack of memories torturing you, it’s the sound of feeble hands trying to push back the obstinate hands of time, it’s the sound of a cherub’s dying breath, the sound of all those years disappearing in the vortex of Cupid’s kitchen sink, it’s the unrelenting, plaintive baby meows of an abandoned kitten outside an ignoring door. It’s the sound of the rain that doesn’t ever stop, the sound of all the doors in the world shutting and closing in your face at the same time, of raging, howling storms in the night when there’s no one there to hold you, the sound of your voice as it screams back at you, the echo of “I love you” burning holes in you, the sound your heart makes as it tells you to lies still because nothing you will ever do will matter without love. The sound of the waves at the polluted beach you went to as it moves from the shore and crashes inside your mind, of the sniffles that make up your pathetic “SOS-to-the-world,” the cracking of the brittle black-red petals from the sidewalk vendor roses he gave, the sound of the music he used to make going to your gut. The sound of the things in your room being thrown around and landing on the floor, the caress of sharpened kitchen knives on skin, the sound of your throat makes as you swallow your saltiest tear. It’s the sound of your own voice calling out to someone who isn’t there, of winged creatures dying and falling on a city pavement, of terms of endearment used a hundred times a day struggling to crawl into a vacuum of forgetfulness, it’s the sound of your own sobs keeping you company, it’s the cold, uncaring stillness of the air you share your space with.

Destruction isn’t always as noisy as bombs exploding. Sometimes the ultimate catastrophes are as quiet as feather falling on the floor of a Zen monastery.

No one else can really hear your heart breaking except you.

juOnBox Music 16: Bitter

I have to apologize to all of you. I can’t help it. I have to let all of these emotions out. Words fail me. This song just said it all for me. I promise this is going to be the last.

Someday
Nina

Someday you'll gonna realize
One day you'll see through my eye
But then I won't even be there
I'll be happy somewhere
Even if I can't

I know
You don’t really see my worth
You think your the last guy on earth
Well I’ve got news for you
I know I’m not that strong
But it won't take long
Won't take long

Coz someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, i want you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day i'll forget about you
You'll see, i won't even miss you
Someday, someday

But now
I know you can't tell
I'm down, and i'm not down anyway
But one day these tears
They will all run dry
I won't have to cry
Sweet goodbye

Coz someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, i want you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day i'll forget about you
You'll see, i won't even miss you
Someday, someday

Let Go

All I wanted was to love you. But my love is humble. It can't give you the world that you want. You wanted more. So you let go.

Now I let go too. You know what they say about letting the bird go and if it comes back, holy shit. But if it doesn't come back, I'd assume it's fried chicken already. hahahaha

Shitty

If you are personally involved in this, stay away. Don't read.

"I'm not singular anymore. For 24 years, I've been looking for that person to love and share my life. I don't get into relationships back then just to experience it. I was looking for something serious and not just fun. We found each other. You found me ranting and bitching about my life, I found you there completely understanding and honest. You discovered my imperfections and I hope that you'll stay with me. I'll find ways to be better for you. Medyo natatakot lang ako na it's unfair for you. Alam mo na, di ako out and that someday, you want everyone to know about us. I can't promise anything today but to step by step, be open about my discreet identity. Unafraid to holg your hand in public, take you out on a romantic dinner, even just kiss you before I ride the bus home. Di naman PDA pero at some point, I want to show everyone, ny family, friends, and the people around us that I love you. I'll find ways to make this easier."

This made me cry when my baby texted me this a few hours after we became officially us. I took him to the bus stop on his way home. After three weeks, he breaks up with me because according to him, these past few days, he's realized that we cannot be happy together. Three reasons. (1) My selos issues, (2) my party boy comment when he raised the topic of partying in a gay scene, and (3) the fact that he prioritizes his job over me. He adds that he thought I totally don't understand him. And that he is new to the gay scene, hence, he'd want to explore it, making him not ready to "settle down."

I don't want to get into the details of how I think he decided to break up with me. I don't even know what's my point in writing all of these here.

When we started to get to know each other months ago, I've always liked him. I loved him even before it became us. This despite the "signs" which caused my friends to panic about him. I don't want to say now that they were right all along. I don't regret loving him at all. I've never loved anyone as much as I did him. But I fell in love with a guy who gave up on me easily. I guess in his book, I don't deserve a chance. That's what makes me sadder. Which reminds me how he jokingly promised how he'd make me cry, which I assumed during that time, of sweet romantic things. Oh yes I do cry now. Oh shush. This whole entry is shitty. And I stink like it.

My New Baby!

Finally! After weeks, months of contemplating on getting this, I bought myself a spanking new Nintendo DS Lite. Ok, I was planning to get the coral pink one but by providence thay ran out of stock so I got the next best color, enamel navy. I'm lovin it. I got this for a pretty good bargain. And like any tech geek, I bought it a poly-something protective case. That and these two games.

I'm lovin Trauma Center. I get to slice people up without actually hurting anyone. A perfect way to vent out feelings after, taddaaaaaah, boyfriend number 8 breaks up with me for "(1) selos issues, (2) party boy issues, and (3)priorities." I'll probably write more on this when I'm better. I'm sorry for my DS Lite, I'm on the rebound.

Walking on Shattered Glass

What do you do when you realize that the people you feel closest to, people you’ve been hanging out with for years, the people you see every day at work, whom you eat lunch with, whom you talk to when you have problems, and whose woes you listen to patiently, suddenly make you feel like shit? Everything changes in a snap.

Friday last week was supposed to be a good day. I was looking forward to it because our department would be having our Christmas party. But things changed during lunch.

I fetch my friends in their work stations. She tells me how the two of them were just talking about me when I came. I ask what about. She says I was a bitch yesterday. In my head I try to recall what I did the day before that offended her. I can’t recall. I ask her what I did because I don’t remember bitching at her. She doesn’t tell me. She just keeps saying I was a bitch. He agrees, says what’s new. We go down and buy lunch. I keep on asking her what I did. I feel bad that she feels bad and she doesn’t tell me. She buys something from the store and leaves me with him. I ask him what was wrong with her and what exactly I did wrong. Instead of telling me, he launches into a sermon, the point of which I couldn’t figure out except for the fact that it made me feel like I was covered with shit. On our way up, I couldn’t help but cry. I felt so small. The worst part was it was caused by the people I used to feel safe with.

Everything changes in a snap. I don’t talk to them now. I don’t know if I’ll talk to them again ever. I don’t mind being called a bitch. I know I am. But I do mind being made to feel shitty, especially by the people who I consider as very good friends. No I don’t expect them to adjust to my bitchiness. But I do expect that after the nearly 6 years that we have been together, they’d at least understand. And at the least they’d tell straight to my face and right away if my bitchiness hurt them in any way and not make me run after my own tail like a crazy dog.

I miss them. But I’m not going to reconcile with them and live always thinking in the back of my head if what I’m doing is offensive to them or not. Friends don’t make friends walk on ground scattered with shattered glass all the time.

Jeepney Hunks 12: Boy Wonder

JH 12 tags himself Boy Wonder. He’s got some hot pictures which make us all wonder what surprises he has in store for us.

Amici Is Pierced!

The spunk of this girl is big time! We were supposed to get our body piercing at the same time, hers on the bellybutton and mine on the right eyebrow. To make the long story short, after I asked the piercing attendant how it goes and he tells me it’s a cinch in the bellybutton but torture on the eyebrows, I chickened out. Actually, that and the fact that I was prohibited by D. But this post isn’t about me. Check out my Amici’s bellybutton camwhoring.

She is so not nervous. She usually keeps still in front of the camera. Now, she couldn’t even smile. She is so not nervous.

This is Amici’s bellybutton before the piercing.

The cutey piercing stud (hehehehe) is priming up Amici’s bellybutton for the kill.

Here’s a closer look.

Amici’s pierced bellybutton is now ready for some licking.

juOnBox Music 14: Angel

They say when words fail, sing it. These songs tell you exactly what I feel for you. When I run out words to say, or when my words tire your ears already, rest your head on my chest and listen to the beat of my heart. My heart sings the sweetest songs because it knows that you’re near, and that you are mine.

Angels Brought Me Here
Guy Sebastian

It's been a long and winding journey
But I'm finally here tonight
Picking up the pieces
Walking back into the light
To the sunset of your glory
Where my heart and future lies
There's nothing like that feeling
When I look into your eyes

My dreams came true
When I found you
I found you, my miracle

If you could see what I see
That you're the answer to my prayers
And if you can feel
The tenderness I feel
You would know
It would be clear
That angels brought me here

Standing here before you
Feels like I've been born again
Every breath is your love
Every heartbeat speaks your name

My dreams came true
Right here in front of you
My miracle

If you could see what I see
You're the answer to my prayers
If you could feel
The tenderness I feel
You would know
It would be clear
That angels brought me here

Brought me here to be with you
I'd be forever grateful (oh forever grateful)

My dreams came true
When I found you
My miracle

If you could see what I see
You're the answer to my prayers
If you could feel
The tenderness I feel
You would know
It would be clear
That angels brought me here

If you could see what I see
You're the answer to my prayers
If you could feel
The tenderness I feel
You would know
It would be clear
That angels brought me here


I'm Your Angel Lyrics
Celine Dion

No Mountains too high, for you to climb
All you have to do is have some climbing faith, oh yeah
No rivers too wide, for you to make it across
All you have to do is believe it when you pray

And then you will see, the morning will come
And everyday will be bright as the sun
All of your fears cast them on me
I just want you to see...

I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel
And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel
I'm your angel

I saw the teardrops, and I heard you cry
All you need is time, seek me and you shall find
You have everything and you're still lonely
It doesn't have to be this way, let me show you a better day

And then you will see, the morning will come
And all of your days will be bright as the sun
So all of your fears, just cast them on me
How can I make you see...

I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel
And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel
I'm your angel

And when it's time to face the storm
I'll be right by your side
Grace will keep up safe and warm
And I know we will survive

And when it seems as if your end is drawing near
Don't you dare give up the fight
Just put your trust beyond the sky...

I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel
And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel
I'm your angel

I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel
And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel
I'm your angel

Angel Of Mine Lyrics
Monica

When I first saw you I already knew
There was something inside of you
Something I thought that I would never find
Angel of mine

I look at you, lookin' at me
Now I know why they say the best things are free
I'm gonna love you boy you are so fine
Angel of Mine

How you changed my world you'll never know
I'm different now, you helped me grow
You came into my life sent from above
When I lost all hope you showed me love
I'm checkin' for ya boy you're right on time
Angel of Mine

Nothing means more to me than what we share
No one in this whole world can ever compare
Last night the way you moved is still on my mind
Angel of Mine

What you mean to me you'll never know
Deep inside I need to show
You came into my life sent from above (Sent from above)
When I lost all hope, you showed me love (Boy you showerd me love)
I'm checkin' for ya, boy you're right on time (Right on Time)
Angel of Mine (Angel of mine)

I never knew I could feel each moment
As if it were new,
Every breath that I take, the love that we make
I only share it with you (you, you, you,you)
When I first saw you I already knew
There was something inside of you
Something I thought that I would never find
Angel of Mine

You came into my life sent from above (Came into my life, yeah yeah yeah)
When I lost all hope you showed me love (Boy You showed me love, uh huh)
I'm shakin' for ya, boy you're right on time (But boy your right on time)
Angel of Mine (Angel of mine, oh mine)

How you changed my world you'll never know
I'm different now, you helped me grow

I look at you lookin' at me
Now I know why they say the best things are free
I'm checkin' for ya, boy you're right on time
Angel of Mine

Jeepney Hunk 11: The Twink

There are those who like their men young. Young but legal, ok? JH 14, Boy, sates the “pedofan” in you. From the uniform he’s wearing in one of the pictures, he looks like a student in a maritime education institution. He must be studying to be one of ‘em seafarers. Naku, it must not have occurred to him yet the future that awaits him in the ship: long stretch of time trapped there with other men. I don’t know how he’ll feel about that, but I’d be excited if I were him. With Boy’s looks, I bet he’d be a fancied p*&8syboy! Hahahaha Have a great week ahead!