Another Used to Be

When I have a lot of things going on in my mind, I am usually hard up on explaining what I think and feel. I am stupid when it comes to that. I am scared. So I let songs do the explaining for me.

Another Used to Be
sung by Joe

I brought you here
So that I could express the things I've been thinking bout
Give me your ear cuz I don't normally do this
So bear with me through this
There are so many things
That I wanna say
But let me start by simply saying
I thank you...

Darling just because
I used to love someone that I didn't like
We used to wanna break up every other night
I used to think relationships were a lot of stress
I used to think that pain was a part of happiness
Now all that's changed since you've come my way
But I don't want us to become
Another used to be

I hope what I'm saying
Don't discourage you in any kind of way
Cuz I do believe
That you have the potential to be everything I need
I hope that you can really understand
That I would hate to be with someone new

And tell her what I'm telling you
I used to love someone that I didn't like
We used to wanna break up every other night
I used to think relationships were a lot of stress
I used to think that pain was a part of happiness
Now all that's changed since you've come my way
But I don't want us to become
Another used to be

Cuz it would only be
Another waste of time
Another moment to erase hour
on my mind
Another memory part of history
I can't forget cuz it keeps on haunting me
Now that you're here it's evidently clear
I don't have to worry
I don't ever have to have this worry again (again)

Oooohhh
I used to love someone that I didn't like
We used to wanna break up every other night
I used to think relationships were a lot of stress
I used to think that pain was a part of happiness
Now all that's changed since you've come my way
But I don't want us to become
To become another used to be

I used to be the one
I used to love someone that I didn't like
We used to wanna break up every other night
I used to think relationships were a lot of stress
I used to think that pain was a part of happiness
Now all that's changed since you've come my way
But I don't want us to become
To become another used to be

I used to be the one
I used to love someone that I didn't like
We used to wanna break up every other night
I used to think relationships were a lot of stress
I used to think that pain was a part of happiness
Now all that's changed since you've come my way
But I don't want us to become
Another used to be

Bukas na Lang

Bukas na Lang Kita Mamahalin
as performed by Lani Misalucha

Kay hirap palang umibig sa di tamang panahon
Kung bakit ngayon ko lang natagpuan ang isang katulad mo

Sana noon pa kita nakilala
Sana noon pa lang na ang puso ay malaya pang magmahal

Bukas na lang kita mamahalin
Sabay sa paglaya ng ating mga puso
Bukas na lang kita mamahalin

Kay hirap pa lang umibig sa di tamang panahon
Kung bakit ngayon ko lang natagpuan ang isang katulad mo

Sana noon pa kita nakilala
Sana noon pa lang na ang puso ay malaya pang magmahal

Bukas na lang kita mamahalin
Sabay sa paglaya ng ating mga puso
Bukas na lang kita
Bukas na lang kita
Bukas na lang kita
Mamahalin

Note: Mum. This is what’s playing in my iPod since this morning. Haaay

Katok

Nagising ako ng nakabubulabog
na katok sa hatinggabi.
Isa,
dalawa,
tatlo.
Mga katok na binilang ko isa-isa,
Pinakinggan ang lakas at hina ng tunog
Gawa ng bawat dampi
Dabog ng kamao sa pinto.
Isa,
dalawa,
tatlong minutong tuluy-tuloy na katok
Dabog sa pintong kahoy.
Bumaling ako paharap sa pinto.
Isa,
dalawa,
tatlong minutong pinag-isipan
Kung bubuksan ko ito.
Sinong gago ba naman ang mang-iistorbo sa tulog ko?
Kung sa umaga nga,
Ni asong ligaw walang magnasa
Maglabas-masok sa aking tahanan,
Sa gabi pa kaya kung kelan ang aso sa labas ay nakawala,
At ang tarangka ay makailang beses na nakakandado.
Sinong kumag pa ba ang makakakatok sa pinto ko?
Isa,
dalawa,
tatlo.
Isang katok pa, sabi ko, bubuksan ko na pinto ko.
Isa, tumayo na ako.
Dalawa, hawak ko na kandado ng pinto.
Tatlo, bukas na pinto ko.
Mga bakas ng sapatos sa lupa nadatnan ko.
Bakas ng mga paa ng taong tila pabalik-balik,
balisa,
galit,
nagtataka.
Wala na ang katok.
Wala na rin siya.

I Can't Make You Love Me

Wala lang. I love songs that sound good. I love them better if they have killer lyrics. This song’s a combination of both. I haven’t heard the Bonnie Rait original but the George Michael rendition’s a killer. I wanted to attach the song file with this entry but I couldn’t figure out how. Until I do that, you’ll have to imagine the song playing in your head while you read the lyrics.

I Can’t Make You Love Me
Written by Mike Reid and Allen Shamblin
as performed by George Michael

Turn down the lights
Turn down the bed
Turn down these voices
Inside my head

Lay down with me
Tell me no lies
Just hold me close,
Don’t patronize

Don’t patronize me

Cause I can’t make you love me
If you don’t
You can’t make your heart feel
Something it won’t
Here in the dark
In these final hours
I will lay down my heart
And I’ll feel the power
But you won’t
No, you won’t
Cause I can’t make you love me
If you don’t

I’ll close my eyes
Then I won’t see
The love you don’t feel
When you’re holding me

Morning will come
And I’ll do what’s right
Just give me till then
To give up this fight
And I will give up this fight
Cause I can’t make you love me
If you don’t
You can’t make your heart feel
Something it won’t
Here in the dark
In these final hours
I will lay down my heart
And I'll feel the power
But you won’t
No, you won’t
Cause I can’t make you love me
If you don’t

I'm a man who turns into a purple lady superhero!

You're Jeka Wynzorr, Sensor!


Which Legionnaire are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Los Angeles Pampanga in Translation (Lost in Translation)

Luna: Mudra nakakawarla! Na-Julie Vega si Mars Ferdie na naglu-Lucy Torres ng mamahaling shumit sa Glory Hole! Eto pah! Na-Lucrecia Kasilag daw ang mga gwardiya sibil sa kahahabol sa lolah Ferdie! Knows mo ba kung SanSan cosmetics na-Julie Vega ang lolah mo? Sa Sharon Kubetah ng mga girlash! Grabe!

Mena: Ay naku! Yang lolah mo naman eh. Sobrang Kate Gomez ng mga fingerlings! Kung kelan nagpaalam lahat ng hairlalu niya sa Anita Linda nya, tsaka naman nagkalat sa Smokey Mountain! Kita mo, Luz Valdes and beauty niya ngayon.

Luna: Hoy lolah! Tama na nga ang chika natin. Baka ma-Carmi Martin pa tayo nyan!

Mena: Shurlalu! Tuloy ang paghada!

Translation (Filipino)

Luna: Grabe! Nahuli raw si Kumareng Ferdie na nag-shoshoplift ng mamahaling damit sa Glorietta! Ito pa. Nahirapan daw ang mga gwardiya sa paghuli sa kanya! Alam mo ba kung saan siya nahuli? Sa CR ng mga babae. Grabe!

Mena: Ay naku. Yang kaibigan mo na ‘yan. Sobrang kati talaga ng kamay. Kung kelan nakalbo, tsaka naman gumagawa ng iskandalo. Kita mo, sya tuloy ang talo ngayon.

Luna: Hoy! Wag na nga natin siyang pag-usapan. Baka makarma pa tayo nyan!

Mena: Oo nga! Mamasyal na nga lang tayo ulit!

Translation (English)

Luna: Oh my god! Our friend Ferdie got caught shoplifting expensive clothes at Glorietta! And boy! He gave the guards a hard time catching him! You know where they caught him? At the ladies room. Shit!

Mena: Oh well. That friend of yours is such a klepto! And he starts doing all these crazy stuff now that he’s old. He’s such a loser.

Luna: Let’s just not gossip about him. I don’t want any of these badmouthing to get back to us.

Mena: Yeah. Come on, let’s go around.

Dear Kuya

Dear Kuya,

Naisipan kong sumulat sa iyo dahil nasanay ako na kung mayroon akong nararamdaman na sobrang kasiyahan o kalungkutan, kaagad kong inilalahad sa iyo lahat. Naroon ako sa kalagayang ganun ngayon Kuya. May kung anung pulumpon ng damdaming nag-uumapaw sa aking dibdib. Ngunit sa di ko maipaliwanag na dahilan, di ko matantya kung ito ba’y dala ng saya o lungkot.

Nalaman kong bakla si Dodong Kuya. Natatandaan mo ba siya? Siya yung waiter sa pinapasukan kong restawran dito sa Maynila. Oo Kuya. Siya yung sinasabi kong muntik ko ng mahalin ngunit nagpigil ako dahil sa akala ko noo’y imposibleng magkaroon ng bunga. Alam mo namang sa mula’t sapul pa’y di na ako pumapatol sa mga lalaking alam kong di maaaring maakit sa akin. Ipinakilala nya sa akin kanina si Leandro. Akala ko’y matalik niya itong kaibigan o pinsan nung una. Madalas kasing dinadaanan siya nito sa restawran tuwing uwian. Pinilit nila akong sumama sa kanilang maghapunan. Sumama naman ako sa pagnanais na makasama si Dodong. Sa kainan, magkatabing naupo si Dodong at si Leandro sa aking tapat sa hapag. Maginaw ang panahon gawa ng walang tigil na pagbuhos ng ulan. Ginaw na tila di nararamdaman ni Dodong at Leandro sapagkat lubos na magkadikit ang kanilang mga katawan. At maski natatabingan ng hapag, pansin kong magkakapit ang kanilang mga kamay.

Apat na taon na raw sila, ang biglang sabi ni Dodong na tila sagot sa katanungang di lumabas sa aking bibig. Hinalikan sya sa pisngi ni Leandro, sabay kwento ng kanilang love story. Dumating ang pansit, siopao, at coke na aking inorder. Kumain akong di ko man lang nalasahan ang pagkain ko habang nakikinig sa kanilang kwento. Pagkatapos naming kumain, isinakay ko sila ng jeep pa-Quiapo at ako nama’y nagpasyang maglakad pauwi. Kailangan kong balikan muli lahat ng aking nakita at narinig mula sa lalaking muntik ko ng minahal at sa kanyang syota.

Di ko mailagay kung sa malas o swerte ang lahat ng mga rebelasyong bumungad sa akin. Ngayong alam kong may posibilidad na pumatol si Dodong sa akin, sabay ko namang nalaman na may nagmamay-ari ng puso nya. Sana Kuya kung pwede lang daanin sa bato-bato-pick ang damdamin, marahil alam ko na ngayon kung ano ang nararamdaman ko. Ang sigurado lang, sa dalawang taong pagkakakilala ko kay Dodong at sa parehas na haba ng panahong pagtitiis kong itago ang aking nararamdaman, di na mahirap na ipagpatuloy ko ang akin nang nasimulan. Tutal, madami namang lalaking nagkakainteres sa akin eh. Mana ata ako sa iyo Kuya.

Mas ayus sana kung magkasama tayo. Mas magaang dalhin ang suliranin kung nasa tabi kita. Hayaan mo, konting ipon na lang at makakauwi na rin ako dyan sa atin. Ikamusta mo na lang ako kay Ate Doris at sa mga bata. Mahal ko kayong lahat.

Nagmamahal,
Jojoboy

PS. May nanliligaw sa aking piloto. Kostumer naming masugid sa restawran. Inaaya ako lumabas sa Linggo. Ikukwento ko sa iyo sa susunod kong liham.

Hosting 101

Hosting’s my way of indulging the spotlight-loving side of me. I find it hard to believe myself considering I was as shy as a mouse back in the day. I don’t know what I ate but I am exactly the opposite now. Not that I’ve lost all inhibitions. I still get jittery when I’m in front of an audience but once I’m there and the program starts, I just hug the limelight, all of it. Now what does it take to be a competent host? I say everyone has the potential to be a good emcee. You don’t have to be the most good-looking or the most talkative or the most influential to be able to take your turn on the mic. Now to help you make that first step toward hosting stardom, here are some improvised hosting tips.

Do your research. This is very basic. Know the kind of party you will be hosting. Is it a birthday party? An orgy perhaps? A wedding reception? Is it going to be a formal coat-and-tie event or a come-as-you-are junket? Your research is going to be crucial to the other tips.

Plan your “script”. The script is in quotation marks because I don’t recommend that you make a full-blown script (with all your spiels, blocking, and per-minute details), at least for small to medium scale events which are usually the main fare of start-up hosts. From experience, a full-blown script usually ends up not being used especially if there’s no clear program as in the case of most wedding reception parties or Christmas or birthday parties here in the Philippines. So unless you’ll be hosting a full-production program, I suggest you save yourself the trouble of doing a full-length script. Instead, I suggest that you prepare an outline of the program, or at least a list of the things that you want to do. The outline will help you steer the program to how you want it to proceed. It will also be helpful if you research bits of information or trivia or what-have-yous that may be related to the event, the occasion, or the reason for the event. For instance, you can research about the origins of Philippine wedding traditions which you can share during the program. These pieces of information will not only save you just in case you get dead air, they will also make your program informative. Make sure to consult with your client about how he wants the program to proceed. Consider his input when preparing your “script”. In the end, he will be the judge whether you did good or not.

Spruce yourself up. But not like how you spruce up your Christmas tree. First, your research will tell you what kind of clothes to wear. Wear what is appropriate to the event. Second, whether you like it or not, everyone’s attention will be on you during 90 percent of the program (in the remaining 10 percent, your audience’s attention will be on your back while somebody else is on stage) so needless to say, try to look your best. Third, wear your clothes and not the other way around. Nuff said.

Do not panic. The most seasoned hosts still get nervous before they step on the stage. It goes away after a few minutes (and maybe after a few sweat drops on your forehead. God forbid your nervousness not make you wet in other places.). It does help that you breathe in and out before you go center stage. And think that you came to the event prepared (and see to it that you do). See your jitters walk out on you in a few.

Expect the unexpected. Everything that might go wrong will go wrong. A CD doesn’t want to play after you’ve introduced the performer, or your speaker finishes 30 minutes before his time and the next hasn’t arrived yet, or a drunk guest is starting to cause trouble in the middle of your spiel—in these cases, keep in mind the old adage “The show must go on.” And it’s your responsibility to keep the show going. You can abate a few minutes of delay by jerking your funny bone to make your audience laugh with some antics, or for more formal events like weddings, you can dish out the trivia you’ve gathered from your research or if you are anticipating a longer delay, you can ask guests to give their personal messages to the newly wed or the birthday celebrant.

Your audience is your best friend. Be sensitive to what they need, but be more sensitive to what they do not need. Make them feel important by giving them a show that is entertaining without being rude or offensive. However, keep in mind that your goal is not to please everybody. That will be impossible to do. What you can do is please most of your audience, make others happy, touch others, or at the least keep others occupied until the program ends.

This article is for my good friend Jun. I know it's late. I hope this will still be useful.:-)

My One Unattainable

The other day my friend Joel and I were texting about how one unattainable guy could stand for all of the things that one can’t have. His was this gym instructor he’s got a total crush on for four years now. He asked me if I had one. I told him all I got are fleeting fancies. Nothing as torturing as his. I realize just now that I do. But like him, I am resigned to the fact that he can’t be mine. My one unattainable guy is my one in a gazillion chance of winning the lottery. But why do I then continue to pine for him? To hold him dear to my heart? To not forget him totally? What we have, we almost always take for granted. What we have, we almost always are not afraid to lose. It is the things that we cannot have that make us value what we have more. They encourage us to violate the status quo. They make us expect more from ourselves. They keep us going.
-------------------------------------------

The winter will lose its cold,
as the snow will be without whiteness,
The night without darkness,
the heavens without stars,
the day without light,
The flower will lose its beauty,
all fountains their water,
the sea its fish,
the tree its birds,
the forest its beasts,
the earth its harvest -
All these things will pass before
anyone breaks the bonds of our love,
And before I cease caring for you in my heart.
May your days be happy in number as flakes of snow,
May your nights be peaceful,
and may you be without troubles.


france - matthew of rievaulx - 13th century

Joel's Fiction

I found this really interesting fiction written by somebody named Joel from one of the Internet communities I’m a member of. His pictures looked pretty hot. Reading his literature made him hotter than expected.

I am standing in a corner, my back pressed against a wall, trying to keep myself within the two feet of dry ledge, safe from the rain. I remain unscathed mostly, except for my hair, glittered with spray and my jacket speckled with black spots where brown canvass is wet. My muscles tense with the impulse to hold myself in the cold night air, but instead I pretend, possibly bad at it, to look sexy, with a foot against the wall, hips thrust forward and a cigarette shared between my lips and fingers.

I pretend that I am not painfully conscious that I haven’t eaten dinner, nor lunch. I try to recall the last real meal I have eaten, but immediately shoo the thoughts away as the corners of my jaw slacken and my mouth water.

I smile at every passerby, hoping that my smile can pierce through the oiled fabric of umbrellas. All night, it has slid off like rainwater.

As tomorrow is named today in a flash of a second, I am aware that no other money-boys remain in the street.

I wonder if it shows, the ugly feeling of being the one at the school dance sitting down during lady’s choice. The music plays softly and I pretend to watch the dancers, or the lights or the way some unnamed wind has wandered into the school gym to play amid the cheap crepe paper decorations. As the second chorus comes, the hope that someone would ask me to dance because they like me would be replaced by the fear that somebody would ask me to dance because they were sorry that nobody was dancing with me. The song would end with me still sitting on my plastic chair, of course. Some girl is sitting down and, partly removing her first pair of high heeled shoes, would rub some soreness off her foot, yet smiling only wide enough to badly hide that she is overjoyed. Meanwhile, like a heavy gust of a warm air, the boy whom I wanted to dance with is walking with his chest in a huff, away from her, and fighting every urge to look back, ashamed by how wide and cheesy his grin is. I stretch my lips into a smile of my own and pull my eyebrows as high as I can to feign enjoyment.

Back to the present, I laugh aloud at the memory, though equally unclear to myself why I was laughing as to any of the passers by.

Maybe it was my laugh but suddenly you are standing in front of me. You will ask me for the time and I will say one o’clock; you mean how much and I mean a hundred. My price has been lowered severely by the passing of hours and also I am so happy to see you. You absent-mindedly brush-off some rain off my hair, pat my shoulders dry, while you yourself are standing in the rain. Here is where I hate myself because I imagine that you intentionally lingered your finger along my ear and my neck. You leave your room’s number and hotel and a stick of cigarette that will keep me company while I idle away a few moments before following you. During those few minutes the cigarette will burn and be flicked away, while I am slowly but surely falling in love with you. I assure myself that I am hungry enough to remember to ask you for my hundred after. Where your fingers were, my skin is still warm.

Love Doctor (Manghihilot ng Puso)

I don’t know what to think when new friends ask me for advice about their love life. Do I have the makings of Joe D’Mango? And here’s the thing. Most of these people don’t know me personally. I feel like a magnet for anonymous closet gays in need of friends to confide in! And I used to think that I’m the least approachable person I know. This guy below, I met him a few months ago. We both were looking for some “fun” but as luck (or unluck if there’s such a thing) would have it, we ended up being friends. Now he’s been fretting over how this guy he really digs shrugs him off. Read on to find out what I said about his situation.

Jonathan: Bad trip ako. Remember yung kwento ko sayo na ka text ko na na in-love ako at friends lang daw kami?


Ako: Oo. Bakit ano nangyari?

Jonathan: Umiiwas na kasi ako to forget the feelings I have for him. Nagtext kasi kanina. Bakit daw hindi na ako nagtetext. Sinagot ko siya. Sabi ko kapag ako nagtetext hindi ka sumagsagot. Pag di me text, sinasabihan mo ko na di nagtetext. Di ba ang hirap? Di ko na alam kung saan ako lulugar. Nakakabad-trip di ba? Ano gagawin ko? Napakamanhid nya.

Ako: Haay, ganito yan. If you think he is worth all the heartaches, by all means do what he wants you to do. Be there when he needs you. Disappear if he doesn’t. But if you think you deserve better, then it’s about time you do everything necessary to move on. Mahirap parehong gawin pero kelangan. Wag masyadong mabad trip. Tumutok sa ibang mga bagay na makapagpapabuti o makapagpapasaya sayo. Lilipas din yan.

Jonathan: How would you know if he’s worth the pain? Any sign?

Ako: Only you can tell if he’s worth it. But it’s not about him really. It’s about you. Does loving him make you happy or miserable? Does it make you a better person? Do you smile or cry when you think of him? Would you be happier with or without him? Ask yourself these practical questions to help you make your decision. Keep this in mind. Love doesn’t have to hurt all the time. It should nourish, not destroy. It should build, not demolish.

Jonathan: Thanks sa advise ha. Gagawin ko mga sinabi mo.